Having kids and having the time to have kids are mutually exclusive points. In fact, there is a clear correlation between them that shows when one goes up, the other goes down. Furthermore, this change is exponential. Trust me, the more kids you have, the less time you have to actually have them.

A quick Google search will reveal a plethora of time management tips, and TikTok videos offering a wide range of logical but highly impractical advice, often from individuals so far removed from the reality of what they are talking about that they deserve to be promoted into a management position.

As parents, we have no time. Got a newborn? Nope, no free time for you, because you're going to be changing nappies, feeding them, and catching up on your lost sleep.

Got a toddler? HAHA, enough said. There's no such thing as free time when you have a 90cm tall hurricane raiding every cupboard and covering the furniture in a wider range of sticky substances than there are cleaning products promising to make its removal quick and easy. Then, the kids get a bit older. They attend school, whether it's primary, high school, it doesn't matter. It's hectic mornings, trying desperately to rouse the little buggers and hustle them out of the door in time while still remembering to offer them the prospect of food and water at last. The while they are out of your hair your 'free time' is lost of hosuework and tidying up the mess they all left behind ready for them to come back and fuck it all up again.

Additionally, you have the emails. Oh, the constant emails from the schools. Every brain fart of an idea will be sent to you on one of three different apps, for each child. They will be sent multiple times across apps, changing minor points on each one until you have no clue is parents evening has beeen, gone, or if you're supposed to turn up in uniform for the event … whenever the fuck it is.

I'm also not forgetting that, for most people, the dreaded day job also has to happen around these blissful child-free moments. Hours spent having to deal with colleagues who are just as irritating, disorganized, and rude as the kids you've just gotten rid of. At least with the kids you can loose your shit, send them to their rooms and pour yourself a glass of wine. Pull that shit in an office and you're getting a one way trip to HR.

Trust me. I've been there.

The posts you're going to find here are not going to fill your head with lies of leisurely mornings frying bacon and dipping your frosted almond croissants into your coffee, while your kids all sit in pristine serenity waiting for the time to leave.

No, we're going to give you the time management survival advice you will need to get from 6am to whenever the last child finally goes to sleep with at least a modicum of your sanity intact.

Spoiler alert: I'm not going to be teaching you about color-coded calendars or perfect planning. We're going into the trenches, talking about why you need to pick your battles and learning that sometimes being late is better than having a nervous breakdown in the car park.